Today was hard. I quit my internship via email which I hate to do, but it's really not working out. School started today, and it is going to be really stressful.
I also hit the final nail in the coffin of my last relationship. This was excruciating. I think I will feel good about this soon, but right now I just have to sit with the fact that I lost a very good friend, and that I only seem like a mean person to him. I know he doesn't think very highly of me, but I think highly of me, so it is what it is.
I talked on the phone with someone who I actually like quite a bit and I thought this would make me feel better, but it actually just made me feel rejected for no good reason. He has never liked me really, so I don't know why I bother. Not to mention he lives nowhere near me.
Additionally, I have given yet another all too anxious male the impression that I am interested in him, which I am most certainly not. Having a booty and being nice does not mean that I like you. It's just who I am. Tell that to someone who texts you 20 times for no reason. What is wrong with people.
The seemingly lone consolation is that I started hanging out with with a nice individual. Honestly, it is a booty call and we both desire it to be nothing more than that. This should make me feel...good? I guess it kind of does.
However, in my purest form, I am a serial monogamist and all this shit just depresses me. I just want to come home, make dinner with my lover, talk about my day and hang out. Instead I am alone, as I have been for the past 9 months, with my closest real support 100 miles away, hooking up with someone who has 75 pairs of sneakers, being hated by someone I loved, being pursued by someone I don't like, feeling rejected for no reason, and to top it all off...I have a lot of homework.
Yes, there are other good things going on in my life. I will write about those another time. Blahhhhh.
